her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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