...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize