dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Your dad touched me again.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
