Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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