He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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