he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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