the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
