if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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