I'm going to jail i love you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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