billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Im part way to drunk.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
