mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
