how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
