Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
