If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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