she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
