dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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