Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
50% drunk capacity currently
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
