youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
