Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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