Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Less talking, more tequila
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
