So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
