My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
