i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
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In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
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Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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