You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
