I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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