I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So much Jack, so little girl.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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