You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
