WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
