the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
