Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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