Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
