just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
