I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
