we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
