It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
