Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
