So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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