the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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