thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
