What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
