I got chris browned last night
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
