I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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