I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize