will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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