Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
