I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
