Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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