right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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