I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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