It was confusing and full of hummus
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?