dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit