it's too hot outside to masturbate.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.