fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
