its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
that may or may not have been my penis.
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