wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
