i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
