Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
