sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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