i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
