you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
